365 days ago
It has been nearly 5 months since I held Georgia in my arms. Almost 5 months since she was laid to rest in a beautiful cemetery. The cemetery is on a long, winding, country road. Tucked away in the woods. It’s close to the river where Rob likes to take the boys fishing. We dreamed of family outings at the river. Hiking, watching the kids skip rocks and look for crawdads. But now when I think of fishing near that winding road, I think of stopping by to visit Georgia.
Photo from Georgia’s graveside service
I have mixed feelings about whether we will visit frequently or not. I know she’s not there. I know she’s in Heaven waiting for us. I feel her in this house. In her nursery. Not in a cemetery. But knowing that doesn’t change that fact that she is buried in that cemetery. And I need to know that she is still taken care of.
So, after nearly 5 months, we finally met with the funeral home to talk about her headstone. I hated thinking about it, but I hated thinking about her being out in the woods without a marker. I needed to finish this last piece.
On the drive to the funeral home, I needed to distract myself. I was scrolling all the usual social media apps: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok… and then I decided to check my TimeHop. If you aren’t familiar with that app, it shows memories from that day from years past.
Well, what did TimeHop show me I was doing a year ago today? On April 27th, 2021, I had my first ultrasound with Georgia. One year ago, today, I saw my baby for the first time. I remember taking a picture of the ultrasound as soon as I got to my car to share with my friends and family reporting that the baby’s heartbeat was strong and she’s growing normally. Everything looked perfect. It was the beginning of the end.
And what am I doing on April 27th, 2022? My husband and I are driving to a funeral home to pick out a headstone for our daughter. For that little baby that was in my womb a year ago. I still can’t believe how much can change in such a short amount of time.
I felt this deep need to give Georgia the best of the best. I wanted to pick out the most beautiful headstone in the world. I just kept thinking that this is the last thing I will buy FOR her. Not in remembrance of her. Not something for me to remind me of her… but the last thing I can buy for her. I wanted it to be incredible. But, as I’ve said before, I’m terrible with making decisions. I get easily overwhelmed with all the options. I second guess everything I want. Thankfully, my husband knows me best and helped guide me with the decisions, reassuring me the whole time.
There were two type of granite we liked and couldn’t chose. Georgia made the decision for us. The man we were working with let us know that one of the options was from the great state of Georgia. Decision made.
We cried on the way home after the appointment. Again, this is not something any parent should have to do, but I’m so proud of us. I’m proud of my husband and our marriage. We have walked through the fire, and we’ve come out stronger. Today may have been the last tangible thing I do for Georgia, but that little girl continues to bless us and others every day.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
